CRITICALLY LIMITED: ADDRESSING THE INNER CRITIC THROUGH MOVEMENT

Over the last few weeks we’ve been discussing ideas of: Maybe doing something “right” isn’t the goal (and doesn’t FIX in the way we’ve thought it might) / explored how curiosity is the key to longevity / brought up ideas of creating perspective over protocols / and how examining the role of feeling safe and expanding our boundaries & definitions of, is of the utmost importance.

But why?

Well, for a lot of reasons … but today … explicitly … to begin silencing the inner critic. 

This past week we’ve discovered (in a viral fashion) that not everyone has an inner monologue in the way most of us think of inner monologues - meaning, not everyone talks to themself in their head, or hears nagging voices detailing all their faults and confrontations. Having said that, everyone that has chimed in has noted they do experience some version of inner critic (be it visual or verbal).

Our inner nurturer makes sure we heal from trauma, and seeks out support. Our inner critic is designed to help us fix faults that may otherwise create disruption within our given communities (so, it’s not necessarily BAD - it’s actually a peacekeeper), but often that critic takes the wheel and nags our nurturer to the point of silence (which is … bad) … going beyond its well-intended role and into keeping each of us hostage to perceived faults and wrongs. 

Our critic will often tell us we aren’t good enough / strong enough / attractive enough / or that we simply aren’t enough period. Sometimes it reminds us how stupid we were to have said or done THAT thing. Or reminds us how we’ll fail before we’ve even started. It loves to detail how we don’t measure up, and even scares us of unknown unpredictable inefficiencies in future relationships / work / finance. 

THE CRITIC KEEPS YOU FEELING UNSAFE. IT’S ITS JOB.

(That it takes WAY too seriously)

Sometimes the critic sounds like your Mom … or your Dad … an authority figure … or peer … a leader … a god … your Self. (Have you considered whose voice it really is?) What it’s not is your conscience.

Your conscience details security: You did this, so now you have to this / You plan to do that, so prepare by doing that first / You want to ___, so it’d be a good idea to ___.

Your critic details scarcity: You did this, now that person thinks this of you / You plan do that, but you aren’t ready for that / You want to ___, but you don’t deserve ____.

I recently heard TedTalk alum Stanford psychologist and author of The Joy of Movement, Kelly McGonigal, in an interview where she said (abbreviated): Why do we allow our inner critic to be the creator and guide of our habits / rituals / and decisions? If you have made the decision to eat healthy, and do it the majority of the time, but then eat a bucket of popcorn at the movies … which is the bigger problem? The fact that you ate something you’d said you wouldn’t? Or the way the inner critic will undoubtedly rip you apart for deviating from this one plan?

She then went on to say … If the inner critic is the one who creates the plan and habits to begin with, and we fully succeed at the plan/habit, we still have a huge problem! We are giving more power to the inner critic and satiating it, but following ITS rules. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t trust my inner critic and I certainly don’t wanna put it in charge of goals and habits.  

Here’s how I often see this playing out …

Someone decides they NEED to be 122 lbs. That’s their “goal” weight (and almost always some weird random number). They try and try to get down to that weight. Often they fail, and the inner critic takes over with all the usual bashing. Even if they succeed is 122 lbs really the goal? I think if we start asking our Self and students more questions we’d get down a little deeper to what the inner critic, and/or our Self, is really after. 

Questions like: When was the last time you remember being 122 lbs? What would it feel like to be 122 lbs? What you do do differently in your life if you were that weight? Is it something you could do at 125 lbs? 140lbs? 200lbs? More? Or Less? 

Often you’ll find that person was 122 lbs when they got married / graduated school / went on a first date with / or world traveled to ___. There’s a feeling (a state of being) that that number represents that they are hopeful will reintegrate into their life when the goal is achieved. 

The inner critic tells us we aren’t worthy of that feeling (of being THAT) until a goal is reached. The problem is, once the goal is reached the inner critic will just create an alternate need … a new goal … a new lack to fill … before you’re worthy of what was honestly available all along … a feeling … a wholeness 

Because I’m a movement teacher I see it a lot with movement / the body / health / wellness. I’m sure the same (or similar) is there in whatever field you come from - the arts to athletics - it just has different words / different goals / different disguises. 

But it’s the inner critic telling us we’re lacking and unworthy. 

Read: We don’t have the right tools and are not safe.

By challenging and expanding our boundaries of safety through a movement practice, I’m certain we can begin to do that in our life too. By proving to our Self that we can do more than what our inner critic (inner monologue / visuals / doubts / narratives)  tell us we are capable of doing … we can begin to quiet THAT voice … allowing our conscience and nurturer to come through louder and clearer. 

Those are the voices that may urge you to lose weight for longevity vs. lacking. Or learn how to DO an exercise because of the other doors it may open vs. what you’re missing out on. 

Those are the voices that may also remind you that you are plenty good right where you are! And that weight loss and need to DO an exercise isn’t even your goal … but something another voice has made you believe you needed in order to feel and be safe. (Read: worthy of care and caretaking … worthy of love … wholeness) 

Where I wrote weight loss and exercise you could also sub in: X amount of money / buying that new thing / being in a relationship with / looking like / and so on …

Once you realize what is “right” for one person may not be so for many more. 

Once you realize it’s your duty to be curious about your experience and reality … it’s the key to all the doors.

Once you realize that most of what we hear as truth is just someone else’s preference (protocol) … and you are allowed and encouraged to create your own perspective.

Once you realize that all we’re really after is the feeling of safety - in its truest and full spectrum forms. (And it just looks a lot like scarcity and inner critic doubt)

Then you can begin to open up to, and invite in, your personal potential guided by your priorities and values … while turning away from the voices & visuals that would have you believe otherwise. 

It starts with simply listening to your own breath.

And it’s as difficult as remembering to do so. 

HOMEWORK: What is something your inner critic likes to criticize you for?

• Write it down

• Write down all the negative words / images that that critic brings up

• Note how that makes you feel: Listen for signs of unsafely (rapid breathing / tension / hyper vigilance / disembodiment / etc as discussed in previous blog)

• Practice your breathing tool …. Can you quiet those signals of unsafety

• Sit with it

• Now go and MOVE while recalling all the inner critical messages (signals of unsafety) - take a walk / do some exercise / roll around on the ground

After moving, while practicing your breathing safety tool, does that inner critical message still FEEL as true and unsafe? 

~ james CRADER